


You're In My Mind

by fobfantasia



Series: closet boy [3]
Category: Bandom, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Blurryface's voice is in bold, Delusions, Description of self-harm, Dissociation, Dysphoria, Hallucinations, Hearing Voices, I'm Sorry, Imaginary Friends, Implied/Referenced Suicide attempt, Other, Puppets, Razors, Self-Harm, Songfic, Transgender, Transgender Male Character, girl!Blurryface, mental breakdowns, metaphorically he's a puppet, oh my god the fucking puppets, okay so Joshler's in this but not really it's all Tyler's mental breakdown, or a whore and literally he doesn't know what he'd do, this is really emo wow, transboy!tyler
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-27
Updated: 2015-08-27
Packaged: 2018-04-17 07:38:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4658115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fobfantasia/pseuds/fobfantasia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tyler finally loses it when he's all alone with Blurryface quiet.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You're In My Mind

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: Do not read if you're triggered by self-harm, PLEASE read the tags. DO NOT go on if you are, for your own safety. Take care of yourself please.
> 
> Also, in advance, I'm sorry. I cried a bit writing this and if you cry I'm sorry 
> 
> To Before You Start Your Day because it's on my top ten super emo songs of all time and I have a love/hate relationship with the feels it gives me

_Open the slits in your face_

**"I'm back!"** Blurryface cheered with her hand open, a glinting piece of metal in her palm.

_And start your day_

"Go away," he mumbled, not in the mood to deal with her this early in the day.

_You don't have much time_

She put the blade on the table and stood still. **"Have you ever wanted to die, Tyler Joseph?"**

Tyler chuckled, "every day."

_To make your slits_

**"Then why don't you make it happen? People always say to make your dreams come true."** She giggled and the metal flashed away, disappearing.

_Look just right_

Tyler thought, maybe, just maybe, he could skip everything for today. Lock himself in his room to talk with only Blurry, his only friend that he could say anything to without worrying that they'd leave.

_I'm in your mind_

He sat up and raced to his mother's room, looking through her drawers and taking a razor to rush into his bathroom.

_I'm singing_

**"Tyler, you're being such a good girl, usually you fight. What brought this on?"** Blurryface seemed genuinely concerned, he hated it. She was rarely ever not spitting insults, and whenever she wasn't, it was completely foreign. He wanted routine. He wanted her to make him hate himself, to misgender him, to push him off the edge.

_I'm in your mind_

Tyler sighed, responding, "I missed you last night. I couldn't feel you at all and it just-"

 **"Felt empty?"** She asked, tilting her head to the side. Tyler nodded, pressing at his temples.

_I'm singing_

Tyler grabbed the razor head before his brain could catch up, sliding it against his thigh, wincing. It took a second to get used to the sting he no longer remembered as well and he smiled.

He started laughing quietly, taking the razor apart to get each individual blade. He couldn't even hear Blurry anymore, it was all him, all forcing some kind of feeling when no one was around, not even the demons in his head.

_La-da la-da la-da la-da la-da la-da da_

His fingers were cut but that was okay, they only bled a little. Some of the blood was slowly bubbling out of his thigh, not enough for him to bleed out though.

His head was silent.

_Look in the mirror_

He stared at his thigh, getting some toilet paper and pressing it on the wounds. He remembered when he used to keep the paper with dried blood for the days he couldn't hurt himself, the nights he called for help.

_And ask your soul if you're alright_

Tyler felt the vines in his chest, grasping at his ribcage, pulling it into a vacuum. It felt like no feeling, and he dug the blade into his thigh again, this time lower. He'd have to wear longer shorts for a while, he thought, which was okay. Usually boys don't wear short shorts because it's looked down on.

_Put out the glitter_

Either way, his "type of boy" was looked down on.

_That your soul hides behind_

Tyler was laughing, smiling. Not a care in the world. Not caring that he could be sent to the police again, that the cost of his many doctors would cancel any major family spendings for a while.

_You're in my mind_

The vines in his chest grew, spreading to his limbs. The leaves tickled his ankles, coming through the skin.

_I'm singing_

It seemed to wrap itself around his wrists and tie to the ceiling. Held up with dangling limbs, like a puppet.

_You're in my mind_

He smiled and stood, his arms still up. He felt empty, heavy. Like that time he swallowed 6 painkillers, too afraid to take any more.

_I'm singing_

There weren't any voices anymore, and it was killing him. Blurryface always loved to talk him into doing bad things, why was she gone when Tyler did what she wanted?

_La-da la-da la-da la-da la-da la-da da_

Nothing, nothing nothing nothing was in his chest. Air in the lungs punctured by the vines' thorns,

_Nowhere were they holy_

Tyler cleaned up his legs and disinfected them, laying back on his bed, his arm over his eyes.

_Open up your eyes and see_

He texted Josh that he's staying home for the day, that he's got a headache from the night before. He receives a "take care of yourself, baby boy" and a bunch of emoticons that don't belong, making the corners of his lips twitch.

_The clouds above will hold you_

He just needed to sit this out, think it through.

_The clouds above will sing_

To sit on his bed, think of all the reasons not to do anything too bad, and stay awake.

 **"You actually did what I told you today."** Blurry grinned, her hands on her hips. She ruffled her hair, rising and falling in the black bubbles it was made of.

_And in your mind_

Tyler nodded, whispering to himself that it won't happen again for a while. That this morning's events should keep Blurryface nicer than she's been recently. That she'll turn into Josh and hold him to sleep again to keep him sane.

_You're singing_

He urged himself to stay awake, to text Josh throughout the day to ensure that he was alive and okay.

_La-da_

He willed it, keep your eyes open.

_La-da_

Keep yourself attentive.

_La-da_

Don't let yourself fall asleep.

_La-da_

Keep them...

_La-da_

Your eyes...

_La-da_

_Don't_ fall asleep.

_Da_

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Tyler doesn't die. Just so you know.


End file.
